Jul 9th 2013, 18:30, by Kevin P. Sullivan
Tom Hanks, two-time Academy Award winner and America's most likable citizen, is celebrating a birthday today, and honestly, you owe this man more than you could possibly know. The least you can do is throw him a birthday party.
But how does one throw a birthday party for Tom Hanks? It's easy, really. All you have to do is follow these steps, generously illustrated with GIFs.
An e-vite is always an efficient way to invite people to Tom Hanks' birthday party.
Don't ignore Tom Hanks' e-vites.
Tom Hanks will probably try to take over the planning, but don't let him.
Don't be intimidated when buying a gift for Tom Hanks.
A puppy is always a good gift for Tom Hanks.
Give Tom Hanks enough time to get ready for the party.
Once the party starts, Tom Hanks will party hard.
Because Tom Hanks parties really hard.
Don't ask how old Tom Hanks is.
Tom Hanks is 57.
Ice cream always cheers Tom Hanks up.
Then Tom Hanks can get back to dancing.
Eventually Tom Hanks will have to relieve himself. Make facilities available.
If you make advances on Tom Hanks, make your intentions clear.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM HANKS!