Photo: (Warner Bros, Summit Entertainment, The CW, HBO, PBS/ Getty Images)
When we found out that a UK auction house was selling a vial that apparently contains blood residue from conservative icon and former President Ronald Reagan -- we were all like, "WTF!" -- and not just what, but who. Seriously, what weirdos would pay for that?! Sure, President Reagan is still one of the most admired dudes to have repped the Oval Office, but bidding on his blood, c'mon! As SNL "Weekend Update" anchors Amy Poehler and Seth Meyer would say, "Really? REALLY?!"
His family and foundation are denouncing this sitch and asking that no one bid on the sketchily obtained sample -- but unforch, offers had reached close to $15,000 as of yesterday, so clearly some peeps are hungry to get their hands on Reagan's life force. And then we realized -- DUH. Who's really hooked on the red stuff and has plenty of dough to burn on creepy politico collectibles? VAMPIRES. Of course! So here's our best guess of which undead dudes are on the prowl for this Presidential plasma…
+Barnabas Collins aka Johnny Depp in "Dark Shadows"
Originally a 70s sitcom star, Barnabas has been resurrected for the silver screen by the goth tag team of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, who brought us "Edward Scissorhands" and "Sweeney Todd." Barney C. is a clueless 18th century vamp trying to make sense of the modern world while dealing with some intense emotional baggage -- namely a super pissed, curse spittin' witch – from his dark past. No doubt Depp's immortal alter ego wants a little Presidential pick-me-up. Or perhaps Johnny's Angels want the vial? The group consists of his super fans who launched a charity blood bank in honor of the actor's 49th birthday and his latest fang-bangin' role. Regardless, Cap'n Vamp Sparrow definitely intends to auction it off for disaster relief, like he's done in the past with a signed pic, guitar and even his own undead undies.
+Edward Cullen aka Robert Pattinson in"Twilight"
The pasty-faced teen heartthrob (even though his heart stopped beating a looooong time ago) has resisted the temptation of Bella's delish blood. But he's an immortal high school history buff so he just had to throw down some of that legendary Cullen cash to bid on Ronnie's Republican residue. Plus, he knew it would piss Jacob off and he loves to see that were-hunk explode out of his jorts in an angry animal tantrum. And we're sure R-Patz will use Reagan's remains for good -- perhaps a traveling exhibit that benefits Cancer Bites, a blood cancer awareness effort that the Brit promoted at last year's Teen Choice Awards?
+Eric Northman aka Alexander Skarsgard in "True Blood"
This sexy blood sucker has no shame -- 1,000-year-old Viking vamps rarely do -- so we bet the vampire sheriff of Bon Temps has some cray plan to sell the Presidential platelets on the black market. Eric is totes hard to read when he's kissing chaining up saving Sookie, the show's fairy heroine -- but in real life, the super hawt Swede, who's making a big screen splash in "Battleship" right now, has proven he does have a heart by filming an It Gets Better PSA and asking fans to celebrate his bday by bidding on his donated items in an Amnesty International auction. The HBO hunk even sunk his teeth into a charitable competition with rival vamp Bill Compton (played by Stephen Moyer) to raise money for SOS Children's Villages, which is committed to children's needs and rights.
+Damon Salvatore aka Ian Somerhalder in "Vampire Diaries"
Are you really surprised that the evil brother portion of this CW supernatural love triangle is all about owning an item that is so inapprops? Of course not. Watch out, Mystic Falls -- he'll probably use the political plasma for some nefarious scheme. But you'll be glad to know that Somerhalder is anything but an anti-hero when he's not sharpening his teeth on set. Forget red, it's all about green for this eco-actor -- his Ian Somerhalder Foundation supports environmental and animal causes plus he's a total Twitivist with a super planet-friendly feed.
+Count Von Count aka The Muppet Vamp on "Sesame Street"
He has bats, a cat, fun lady friends (Countess Dahling von Dahling is our fav), a titillating Twitter and a whole slew of puppet friends to annoy with his arithomania ways. But what this monocled Muppet really wants to count is just one vial of precious blood. We have a feeling the rest of the cast of "Sesame Street" will be pretty peeved by this purchase -- plus, he'll probably have to mortgage his cobwebbed castle to afford it. So Big Bird and Snuffy are gonna use their Muppet muscle to keep The Count from embarrassing the Sesame crew since the beloved kids' show -- 43 seasons and counting! -- is all about teaching younguns to love learning, sharing, caring, creating and generally being decent humans. Sorry, Count but leave the presidential vial to other vamps!
