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On tonight's episode of "Catfish," we meet Mike — a fella who was initially drawn to the mystery of his online relationship with "Kristen," but is now ready to take it offline. Mike calls on Nev and Mike to help him find out if his mystery girl is really who she says she is.
Relationship expert Dr. Jill Murray, whose work has been featured on "Oprah" and "Dr. Phil," explains that Mike's eventual feelings of dissatisfaction are typical in ongoing online relationships like his. "People need connection," says Murray. "Online relationships have the illusion of connection, but sexting — as Mike and Kristen did — is not connection. Talking online for more than three years without meeting is not total connection. As the relationship progressed, Mike became increasingly frustrated and it was no longer meeting his needs. As he found out, online relationships are virtual — not entirely real — with each person showing the other one only what they want to reveal … or conceal."
Although Kristen's feelings for Mike are real, she has been hiding an important part of her past from him. After a traumatic accident altered her physical appearance, she turned to virtual relationships to feel loved and beautiful. She relied on Mike to help her through her darkest times and even confessed to having suicidal thoughts, which Mike helped her recover from.
"Kristen had a terrible experience," says Dr. Murray. "Her appearance changed drastically, she lost her friends and boyfriend, she was kicked out of her high school, and was dependent upon medications. Imagine how that must have felt." In a society that places so much unnecessary value on physical appearance, Kristen felt like Mike wouldn't love her if he saw the real her. "So many of us base a large part of our identity on [superficial] things," says Murray. "You're the girl with the great figure, you're the guy who's a jock, you're popular, etc." Although Kristen's reaction to the accident is understandable, Dr. Murray suggests group or individual therapy after going through such a traumatic experience. "It's important to talk about our feelings in a real and honest way and not push them down," she says.
In the end, Mike was receptive to Kristen's experience, and while they did not end up as a couple, they remained friends — which is what Kristen needed all along.
If you or someone you know is struggling — physically or emotionally — check out MTV's Half Of Us for help and resources.
